After the holidays...

After the holidays had passed, and an unforgettable year just ended, I'm trying my best to be stronger for me and my kids this 2011. The year 2010 is really unforgettable for me. As look back, I can still remember the happy days of my family. My husband and I loved each other so much and people around us knew how we take care of our kids. We were considered happy and perfect family, everyone would envy. When my husband passed, my world crumbled on me. I didn't know how to live without him. I am not used to sleep and wake up without him on my side. We talked a lot. We respect and love each other.
My husband knows that I'm a strong woman...but even though, he didn't have to leave me.
I needed time to think and reflect on my life...and I'm thankful that I was able to spend Christmas with my kids, far from the city.
And now that the year has started, I'm ready....
Yes, I'm still hurting. I still feel sad and cry.

Then I'd stand up, dry my tears and move on with my life.
I know that my honey's up in the heaven. I know how much he loves me and our kids. I know that he's at peace.
I love you, my honey!

Living in Denial

Since my husband's death almost a month ago. I did a lot of things that I thought would heal my heart fast. I moved to my home country in 2 weeks time and started putting the kids back to school. I went to church to ease my burden, but I didn't feel like it was the right time to talk to Him. You would see me laugh, but as soon as I stopped laughing, I would feel really sad right away.
For 6 years that my husband and I has been together, we never had dull moments. We liked being together and doing things together all the time. Our friends can prove how we love each other. And now that he's gone, I am still in denial. Tears want to run down my eyes but I try not to cry anymore. And it hurts!!! It hurts not to cry. I'd still tell myself that this is a dream....a very bad dream!

If I had Known....

If I had known what's gonna happen tomorrow...
I could have stopped the time.
If I had known he won't be with me the next night...
I shouldn't have slept anymore.
If I had known that he wouldn't be with me this Christmas...
I could have told him to be with me every second and every minute.
If I had known what's gonna happen...
I could have changed a lot of things.
I could have turned back the hands of time
I could have told him how much I love him every second
I could have stayed awake all night
I could have talked to him longer
I could have touched him more
If I had known.....I could have changed the future.

Vines on the wall

What a wonderful scene to see vines stuck to a sturdy wall. For me, they seem like husband and wife. One should be sturdy enough to handle the family and willing to be there for the wife and the kids all the time. A wall serves to protect what's inside. Then, like a wife, vines need a sturdy wall to hold on to.

Sinong martir?

Why do some people stay in a relationship even if they know very well that it's a "One Way" relationship?

Some people told me that it's for the sake of the children. Is it still for the sake of the children even if the husband is hurting the wife physically? And children witness the fight every now and then? Do you think it is still healthy for the kids to hear their parents yelling at each other?

My advice to women like this is always: "Love yourself more than him."
A woman should get out of this kind of relationship esp. if the husband is already physically hurting the wife. "Once na sinaktan ka ng lalaki, masusundan pa 'yan, kase alam niyang kaya niyang gawin ito sayo."
You've got to get out of this kind of relationship as soon as possible. And if you're worried about your kids, then take them with you and start working (if you're not working) to support them. And if you're already working, move on with your life together with your kids and make sure that they get all the support and attention that they need. Prove to your husband, ex-husband or partner that you can stand up on your on feet and you don't need his help.

More advices to come.....