After the holidays...

After the holidays had passed, and an unforgettable year just ended, I'm trying my best to be stronger for me and my kids this 2011. The year 2010 is really unforgettable for me. As look back, I can still remember the happy days of my family. My husband and I loved each other so much and people around us knew how we take care of our kids. We were considered happy and perfect family, everyone would envy. When my husband passed, my world crumbled on me. I didn't know how to live without him. I am not used to sleep and wake up without him on my side. We talked a lot. We respect and love each other.
My husband knows that I'm a strong woman...but even though, he didn't have to leave me.
I needed time to think and reflect on my life...and I'm thankful that I was able to spend Christmas with my kids, far from the city.
And now that the year has started, I'm ready....
Yes, I'm still hurting. I still feel sad and cry.

Then I'd stand up, dry my tears and move on with my life.
I know that my honey's up in the heaven. I know how much he loves me and our kids. I know that he's at peace.
I love you, my honey!

No words can comfort me...

You might see me smile, hear me laugh and hear me say "I'm okay"...but I'm not.
I want to go to a place where I could scream and cry out loud....
I don't want to hear Christmas songs....
and I don't want my friends to hug me, because I know I'll burst into tears
I want my kids to see me strong in this kind of situation I am now
I'll find time to cry....
When?
I really have no idea
So my friends, please don't hug me....it just makes me feel weak.

If I had Known....

If I had known what's gonna happen tomorrow...
I could have stopped the time.
If I had known he won't be with me the next night...
I shouldn't have slept anymore.
If I had known that he wouldn't be with me this Christmas...
I could have told him to be with me every second and every minute.
If I had known what's gonna happen...
I could have changed a lot of things.
I could have turned back the hands of time
I could have told him how much I love him every second
I could have stayed awake all night
I could have talked to him longer
I could have touched him more
If I had known.....I could have changed the future.