No words can comfort me...

You might see me smile, hear me laugh and hear me say "I'm okay"...but I'm not.
I want to go to a place where I could scream and cry out loud....
I don't want to hear Christmas songs....
and I don't want my friends to hug me, because I know I'll burst into tears
I want my kids to see me strong in this kind of situation I am now
I'll find time to cry....
When?
I really have no idea
So my friends, please don't hug me....it just makes me feel weak.