a Mother's job

It's really tough to raise 2 kids on your own. How would I explain to my 4-year old boy about death? His father passed away a month ago. And he kept on asking me when his dad is coming back. I would cry....yes...at night, when the kids are already sleeping. It's hard for me to live without my husband....I love him so much! We did a lot of things together....a lot of happy moments and pillow talk. And now that he's gone, I don't have nobody to talk to. And I feel this hatred, anger and sadness inside of me. Sometimes I even blame myself, for I wasn't there close to him "WHEN IT HAPPENED". I know that I need to fix a lot of things for my kids, so I have to be well for them. They need to be taken cared of and loved. I need to think well and feel well.